Motel Magazine

The Web Site for People Made Mostly of Water

Home | Articles | Movie Reviews | Booze Reviews

I saw this movie, and now I'm out for blood.
A Review of "Full Frontal"

by Deborah Solomon


This movie was so unbelievably lame, I'm still in shock. I guess it's some kind of Hollywood inside practical joke, and the punchline is something like "if a famous enough director directs something, and famous enough actors star in it, regardless of whether or not the movie has a plot, any character development, or any point at all, we can sucker people into flocking to it to it like the sheep that they are. Ha ha ha!"

I used to think that I liked Steven Soderbergh, but now, if I meet him in a dark alley I'm gonna kick his ass front back and sideways, have a drunken friend with a perpetual hand twitch film the whole thing on blurry digital film without sufficient lighting, edit in unhelpful intertitles like "dark alley. saturday," and footage of pompous celebrities basically picking their butts on camera, and then throw in some pointless monotone narration about how boring people find me.

After that I'm gonna drag ol' Steven to a local movie theater, charge him eight dollars for parking, and seven dollars for admission even with a student discount, and make him sit through it until he's grimacing in pain and ready to toss the lobster and champagne he bought with the proceeds of my original movie ticket.

Really funny, huh, Stevie Boy? Ha ha ha! If I were you, from now on, I'd watch my back.

···>Return to Movie Reviews

Hey look! It's Julia Roberts with a crappy hairdo.

comments powered by Disqus

copyright © 1994-2014, Motel Magazine (unless otherwise noted). All rights reserved.