by Nancy Dunlap
I try to eat well to stay fit. If I don't look good, I won't get free drinks
when I go out, and I want to take care of my body. I rely on a
nutritious and sensible diet for my good health. I must
because I don't care to exercise. I really hate that
feeling my body gets when it is pushed to its limit.
Sometimes at work, if I'm in a hurry, I am tempted to take
the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, but then I
remember that bad, out of breath feeling I got once when I
had to run across the street to catch a bus. It made me feel
like crying and I never want to feel that way again.
The chest pain made me sad, as if I'd forgotten to take my
Another time, a crazy relative talked me into going to an
aerobics class with her. I can't really talk about it yet. I
just remember parts of it. There were some mats and thongs
and leotards. I managed to block most of it out of my
conscious mind. I still get bad dreams though.
The exercise people creep me out, the way they smile while
they are punishing their bodies. They must hate themselves.
I love myself and that's why I want to take care of my body.
I love my family and want to be the best I can be, and that
means not getting out of breath and sweaty.
A good healthy diet every day means no need for the
bothersome and traumatic exercise. I start with a bagel
every morning with a few cups of coffee. I don't like bagels
that much, but nothing else seems so right for breakfast.
The only time I go without bagels is when I'm traveling.
Then it's a ham and cheese omelette, and keep the coffee
Coffee's another staple. You have to drink coffee every day.
If you don't, you'll get a headache. Coffee is a good food
group and an important social tool. If you want to
know if someone loves you, you ask them to get you coffee.
If they know how you take it, they love you. If they don't
know, they are just using you. Its that simple. It saves so
much time and arguments and stupid love conversations.
Coffee also helps you feel grown up. No matter how old a
person gets, sometimes they just need to do something that
helps them feel grown up. I don't smoke, so its important to
have the coffee. If I didn't drink coffee, I would never get
any milk. We all need that calcium.
I also try to drink plenty of Diet Dr.Pepper throughout the
day. Diet Dr. Pepper is a food, as well as a beverage. Most
sodas are just soda, but Dr. Pepper contains special
healthful ingredients. The ingredients are kept secret, but
I can tell they are just bursting with natural goodness.
With a name like that, it's got to be good. There has been
speculation that prune juice is one of the natural
ingredients. I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. I
think it must contain iron, because of the color. My
grandmother is dead now, but she would have been a lot more
dead if she hadn't drunk prune juice every day.
Sometimes I try to drink a whole two-liter bottle of that
caramel colored nectar as quickly as I can. I have done it
in less than an hour. I just do it to see if I can, and I
have a feeling that drinking a whole bunch of stuff really
fast is good for the internal organs. It is also fun to see
how long it takes until you have to go to the bathroom. Try
it. It's even better to do it with a friend, so you can
Pickles are good for people who are on the go and don't have
time to sit down and eat green vegetables. The best pickles
are the kind you find near the hotdogs, at the grocery, but
any kind will do. You can't walk around eating peas, but you
can easily do household chores while you're chomping on a
pickle. You'll want to give them a good shake first,
to get off the drips,(guys know what I mean,) but
after that, you're ready to go.
Now hot dogs have gotten a bum rap in the press, but it's a
fast and savory way to get your meat food. A
better way is Hickory Farms summer sausage. It's a wiser
method of getting your important meat because the
meat is densely packed and you don't have to eat as much.
You can tell you're getting a lot of meat, because you get a
thick filmy feeling in your mouth and that tells
you that you're really eating now.
I suggest buying the sausage in January, when the Christmas
gift baskets are half price. Don't worry about the date.
That stuff never goes bad. Now, you don't want to be eating
sausage every day. It might be too rich a diet, and variety
makes life interesting. The common household hot dog
makes a nice alternative. An attractive and nutritious hot
dog salad adds an upbeat tone to a formal dinner party. Cut
up some hot dogs in a bowl and add a big scoop of cottage
cheese. Mix it with two man-sized handfuls of cooked
macaroni. Salt to taste and add a little extra salt if
you're going to let it sit out in the sun for a while.
Better Cheddar snack crackers are healthy way to end your
food eating day. You can even enjoy a box of them and skip
dinner altogether. Better Cheddars have several paragraphs
full of ingredients. It's hard to believe they stuff all
those good for you components into each little cracker, but
they do, and they do it delightfully well.Better Cheddars
contain real cheese, which is something that actual cheese
doesn't always have. Those calcium drenched tidbits of
goodness go great with vodka and cranberry juice.
Cranberry juice is so good for your liquid waste organs that
its almost a crime to drink vodka straight. At Thanksgiving
this year, I made cranberry jello, using vodka in place of
water. I treated the whole family to Jello Shooters. My
ninety-two year old grandfather declined, and three months
later, he died from kidney failure. I'm not saying he'd
still be alive if he'd had the shooters, but everyone else
at that meal is still alive, so I wouldn't rule it out.
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"Coffee is a good food group
and an important social tool."