Welcome to Motel Magazine's Booze Reviews page. We are fully prepared and qualified to offer you our opinions on all kinds of booze. What qualifies us, you ask? Nothing, except that we like booze. We don't have any fancy training in sniffing or decanting. We've just been around the block enough times to know what tastes good.

Instructions: To begin your journey into the wonderful world of booze, just select from one of the following...

Beer. Everyone likes beer. Except for freaks. We'll let you know which micro- and macro-brews make the grade, and which aren't worth the can they come in.

Wine. Sure, plenty of people have opinions about plenty of wine. The thing is: all those people are assholes, and we're not. We're nice people who sometimes like to take our time getting drunk—and that's what wine's all about, right?

Liquor. Wine is fine, but liquor's quicker. Mostly, we buy liquor by picking the best-looking bottle. And there are a heck of a lot of good looking liquor bottles out there, in case you haven't noticed.