Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Worst company in the world
Google, also known as the company that will be someday soon be more hated than Microsoft, has a giant soul-sucking machine in Mountain View called the "Googleplex". Our trolls have managed to sneak these pictures out without being hypnotized by the evil lava lamps or having their teeth rotted out of their heads.
Google pumps its employees full of candy to get them to work longer and harder. The inevitable result is that they often feel too exhausted at the end of the day to drive home. They crash on a cheap couch, wake up, and start over.
Employees at Google can barely walk themselves to their desks as a result of all the long hours eating candy and typing. Here you see several people waiting to be given a ride to their desks on the company scooter.
Wild animals roam the halls of Google. They're trained to identify and attack employees who are slacking off.
This photo pretty much sums it up. Everyone at Google HQ eats too much candy, they can't move without the aid of machines, and wild animals are everywhere -- waiting for the humans to slip up.
This unfortunate person has crammed all of her worldly possessions into her cubicle in order to give herself some sort of feeling of comfort and individual identity while slaving away for the Google masters.
Multiple monitors and noise-canceling headphones provide a "virtual real life experience" for workers. Rumor has it, one man didn't leave the Googleplex for a month. He didn't get overtime either.
Here we see the worker who didn't leave Google for a month (in the foreground), and two other workers who have families they'd like to get home to.
Excessive sugar intake has resulted in 99% of the brainpower at Google being completely wasted. Rumor has it, Google uses the heat generated from all this activity to power an immense underground generator. They make huge profits by selling electricity to the people of Mountain View.
Candy is everwhere.
More candy.
Thousands of workers / residents, and only 2 washing machines.
¶ 10:41 PM 
Google, also known as the company that will be someday soon be more hated than Microsoft, has a giant soul-sucking machine in Mountain View called the "Googleplex". Our trolls have managed to sneak these pictures out without being hypnotized by the evil lava lamps or having their teeth rotted out of their heads.
Google pumps its employees full of candy to get them to work longer and harder. The inevitable result is that they often feel too exhausted at the end of the day to drive home. They crash on a cheap couch, wake up, and start over.
Employees at Google can barely walk themselves to their desks as a result of all the long hours eating candy and typing. Here you see several people waiting to be given a ride to their desks on the company scooter.
Wild animals roam the halls of Google. They're trained to identify and attack employees who are slacking off.
This photo pretty much sums it up. Everyone at Google HQ eats too much candy, they can't move without the aid of machines, and wild animals are everywhere -- waiting for the humans to slip up.
This unfortunate person has crammed all of her worldly possessions into her cubicle in order to give herself some sort of feeling of comfort and individual identity while slaving away for the Google masters.
Multiple monitors and noise-canceling headphones provide a "virtual real life experience" for workers. Rumor has it, one man didn't leave the Googleplex for a month. He didn't get overtime either.
Here we see the worker who didn't leave Google for a month (in the foreground), and two other workers who have families they'd like to get home to.
Excessive sugar intake has resulted in 99% of the brainpower at Google being completely wasted. Rumor has it, Google uses the heat generated from all this activity to power an immense underground generator. They make huge profits by selling electricity to the people of Mountain View.
Candy is everwhere.
More candy.
Thousands of workers / residents, and only 2 washing machines.
Comments:
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Given that these pictures were used in another article a few days ago, showing off the advantages working there (nearby food, could bring in pets, relax if you needed to, etc.) this is a very nice combination of jealousy and trolling.
# posted by 
: 8:48 AM
: 8:48 AM
You know what would be worse? Wild animals on a sugar high jumping on couches and running people over on indoor scooters. They are on the brink of utter chaos! God I want to work there.
# posted by : 4:07 PM
: 4:07 PM
Ha! Google wants to eat your brain as I mentioned here this morning.
I like Google. I like candy. Gimmee!
I like Google. I like candy. Gimmee!
Ei, I think those cute dogs are not wild animals, they just become like that if were pushed through, dogs are in nature friendly, honest and lovable. Can you not distinguish good dogs from bad?
Hey, that guy's got a BikeE! I didn't think anyone else in the world rode a BikeE.
# posted by : 4:48 PM
: 4:48 PM
Clearly we need to enact some new labor laws to project these poor souls from their self-inflicted injustices. Somebody needs to stand up for the working-force of our economy driving search engine technologies.
If we don't solve these problems soon our economy will fail and we will have no defense against the evil doer terrorists.
If we don't solve these problems soon our economy will fail and we will have no defense against the evil doer terrorists.
What if other companies start getting the same idea? What if all companies become dependent on the use of wild animals and candy dependent workers?! Damn you Google!!! Damn you!!!
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