I've become irritated lately with wine ratings. My problem is this: they have this 100 point scale, but you never see anything lower than 70 -- and you rarely see anything lower than 80. So, I've taken it upon myself to design a new and improved Motel Magazine Wine Rating System. I'm expecting this to catch on like wildfire once we start using it in the Motelmag.com Booze Reviews. First, however, I need our readers' feedback so we can make sure this new system is solid an covers every possible type of wine we might choose to taste. So, here's my first draft:

0 - 10: I'm sorry, you've actually given me vinegar. This won't do.
11 - 15: This is balsamic vinegar.
16 - 20: Grape juice
21 - 30: A bum gave me a half bottle. It's mostly back-wash, but it was free.
31 - 40: Holy Crap! Who brought the Kosher wine?
40 - 50: It has alcohol and doesn't taste like Mike & Ikes.
51 - 60: Good everyday wine for college students.
61 - 70: An everyday wine for winos with jobs.
71 - 80: A good everyday wine for people with good jobs and good taste.
81 - 90: A weekend wine or for when you have friends over who know something about wine.
91 - 95: You will have dreams about this wine.
96 - 99: The best wine ever! So good, you should probably just buy a bottle and save it until the moment before you get married or die.
100: Not only is this the best wine ever, it will also grant you 3 wishes.  ¶ 8:15 AM