Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Our Man Flint (1966) is a parody of James Bond movies. I know...you're probably saying "Oh, yeah...that's really original"...but, hey, we're talking about 1966 here, so maybe it actually was.
Anyway, Derik Flint is an ex-secret agent who is recruited by the government to track down and stop some evildoers who are messing with the weather.
The part that I found most interesting about this movie is that it attempts to deal with the issue of what James Bond does with the woman he picks up during each movie. Our Man Flint presents the most optimistic version: he simply keeps adding new wives to his happy family. In this movie, Flint starts out with four wives, but at the end, it's clear that the ex-evildoer babe is going to become a fifth wife. Very nice.
Margaret and I have discussed (at great length) what we think happens between James Bond movies. They go back to England, have a hard time cutting back on expenses...well, here's the beginning of the screenplay Margaret started writing:
JAMES
What's the matter, love? Why don't you read a good book?
He walks to the bookshelf, grabs a mass market paperback of a Lilian Jackson Brown
("The Cat Who ... " mystery series) book, and tosses it to her. She doesn't attempt to
catch it, but lets it fall onto the couch next to her.
WOMAN
Oh, James ... I can't read a damn book! I want to go to Monte Carlo. I want to play
roulette! It's been such a long time ...
JAMES
Well, I'm not on an expense account right now, angel, you know that. I can't just go
gallavanting all over the globe if I'm not on assignment.
WOMAN
Aaaarrrrgh! Well, what *can* we do, then?
JAMES
Let's go enjoy a dip in the pool, shall we?
WOMAN
Oh, alright ...
She slowly stands up and walks into the bedroom to change. James heads toward the kitchen.
Exterior, late afternoon.
The apartment complex's community swimming pool. About 5 or 6
kids are playing in the pool with 3 or 4 moms watching from the patio chairs. James and Woman
come through the gate carrying a blue cooler between them. It's awkward getting through
the gate with the cooler.
They look for a place to sit. They choose 2 lounge chairs and place the cooler between them.
They flop down into their lounge chairs.
WOMAN
You *did* bring some good liquor, didn't you?
JAMES
But of course. There are some things one can't be without -- even between assignments.
The Woman perks up a bit.
WOMAN
What do we have?
JAMES
Well let's see ...
He opens the cooler. There are all kinds of liquor bottles in there, with mixers and glasses.
He whips up a fancy chick drink for the Woman, and a martini for himself. They lean back in
their chairs enjoying their drinks.
The kids splash in the pool and yell a lot. The moms try not to stare at James and the
Woman as they down drink after drink. James and the Woman are clearly somewhat irritated by
the kids (they are splashed once or twice), but as they get more and more drunk the less
it bothers them.
Soon evening is upon us and the moms take their kids inside. James and the Woman remain
in their chairs even as it gets dark. The pool is poorly lit at night.
Eventually, the pool guy comes along to take leaves out of the pool with one of those nets. As
he moves the net through the pool, he calls to James and the Woman.
POOL GUY
Mr. Bond ... you know, the pool's closed now. I won't say nothing, but you guys
need to go inside or I'll get in trouble.
James and the Woman are slow to respond, so the pool guy repeats himself (not verbatim)
several times as they rouse themselves.
JAMES (slurred speech)
Alright, alright, we're on our way .. we've got to get going anyway ... we have a big night
planned ...
James and the Woman gather up their stuff, and stumble out of the pool area carrying the cooler.
Interior, evening. Back in the apartment.
James and the Woman struggle through the door, and leave the cooler on the floor near the front
door.
WOMAN
We don't have a big evening planned, do we James?
James doesn't respond. He makes another martini for himself and grabs the Lilian Jackson
Brown book from the couch. He lays down on the couch and begins to read (or pretend to).
The Woman, out of it but also frustrated, walks into the bedroom. She flops down on the
bed face first and is asleep immediately.
¶ 8:13 AM
Anyway, Derik Flint is an ex-secret agent who is recruited by the government to track down and stop some evildoers who are messing with the weather.
The part that I found most interesting about this movie is that it attempts to deal with the issue of what James Bond does with the woman he picks up during each movie. Our Man Flint presents the most optimistic version: he simply keeps adding new wives to his happy family. In this movie, Flint starts out with four wives, but at the end, it's clear that the ex-evildoer babe is going to become a fifth wife. Very nice.
Margaret and I have discussed (at great length) what we think happens between James Bond movies. They go back to England, have a hard time cutting back on expenses...well, here's the beginning of the screenplay Margaret started writing:
JAMES
What's the matter, love? Why don't you read a good book?
He walks to the bookshelf, grabs a mass market paperback of a Lilian Jackson Brown
("The Cat Who ... " mystery series) book, and tosses it to her. She doesn't attempt to
catch it, but lets it fall onto the couch next to her.
WOMAN
Oh, James ... I can't read a damn book! I want to go to Monte Carlo. I want to play
roulette! It's been such a long time ...
JAMES
Well, I'm not on an expense account right now, angel, you know that. I can't just go
gallavanting all over the globe if I'm not on assignment.
WOMAN
Aaaarrrrgh! Well, what *can* we do, then?
JAMES
Let's go enjoy a dip in the pool, shall we?
WOMAN
Oh, alright ...
She slowly stands up and walks into the bedroom to change. James heads toward the kitchen.
Exterior, late afternoon.
The apartment complex's community swimming pool. About 5 or 6
kids are playing in the pool with 3 or 4 moms watching from the patio chairs. James and Woman
come through the gate carrying a blue cooler between them. It's awkward getting through
the gate with the cooler.
They look for a place to sit. They choose 2 lounge chairs and place the cooler between them.
They flop down into their lounge chairs.
WOMAN
You *did* bring some good liquor, didn't you?
JAMES
But of course. There are some things one can't be without -- even between assignments.
The Woman perks up a bit.
WOMAN
What do we have?
JAMES
Well let's see ...
He opens the cooler. There are all kinds of liquor bottles in there, with mixers and glasses.
He whips up a fancy chick drink for the Woman, and a martini for himself. They lean back in
their chairs enjoying their drinks.
The kids splash in the pool and yell a lot. The moms try not to stare at James and the
Woman as they down drink after drink. James and the Woman are clearly somewhat irritated by
the kids (they are splashed once or twice), but as they get more and more drunk the less
it bothers them.
Soon evening is upon us and the moms take their kids inside. James and the Woman remain
in their chairs even as it gets dark. The pool is poorly lit at night.
Eventually, the pool guy comes along to take leaves out of the pool with one of those nets. As
he moves the net through the pool, he calls to James and the Woman.
POOL GUY
Mr. Bond ... you know, the pool's closed now. I won't say nothing, but you guys
need to go inside or I'll get in trouble.
James and the Woman are slow to respond, so the pool guy repeats himself (not verbatim)
several times as they rouse themselves.
JAMES (slurred speech)
Alright, alright, we're on our way .. we've got to get going anyway ... we have a big night
planned ...
James and the Woman gather up their stuff, and stumble out of the pool area carrying the cooler.
Interior, evening. Back in the apartment.
James and the Woman struggle through the door, and leave the cooler on the floor near the front
door.
WOMAN
We don't have a big evening planned, do we James?
James doesn't respond. He makes another martini for himself and grabs the Lilian Jackson
Brown book from the couch. He lays down on the couch and begins to read (or pretend to).
The Woman, out of it but also frustrated, walks into the bedroom. She flops down on the
bed face first and is asleep immediately.
¶ 8:13 AM
